Do the Opposite of What I Did

Lance Slatton asked me what eight years of caring for three loved ones taught me that nothing else could. Hearing my answer back, it is the part I would keep if everything else were cut. Do the exact opposite of what I did. I went in with a hero complex. I did not want my family to lift a finger, and I thought that was love.

It was the wrong way round. Almost everyone wants to stay home as long as they can, and the person who is encouraged to keep doing things, with the phone, with the bills, with the day, is more likely to stay there. Every task I took away took a little strength with it. I am still trying to turn that around with my own family.

The same honesty belongs on the technology. I told Lance that my father had fallen again shortly before we recorded, in an apartment that has fall sensors, and the technology did not work. I build caregiving software and I will still tell you there are no silver bullets. Trust and verify, one small step at a time, and when something fails, say so out loud so the next family knows.

If you are reading this at 2 a.m., what I said at the end of the episode is what I have. Take a breath. You are not alone, and the fact that you are trying at all is everything to the person you love. You are the captain of a very large ship. We are only the tugboat.