How comments work here

I’m John. I read every comment that comes through here, and I approve them one by one before they appear. This is a small, deliberate community. Here’s what I’m looking for, and what I cut.

The house rules

1. Be kind. Everyone here is carrying something heavy, and every situation is different. Disagree gently.
2. No promotion. Don’t pitch a business, product, or blog, and no referral links — even your own. Share experience, not sales.
3. Keep politics out. This isn’t the place for it.
4. Protect privacy. Don’t post identifying details about your loved one — or anyone else — without their okay.
5. Support, not professional advice. We’re caregivers comparing notes, not doctors or lawyers. In an emergency, call 911.
6. Assume good faith. Most people here are tired and scared. Read each other generously.

What I’m looking for

• Real questions from caregivers, in your own words.
• Personal experiences — what worked, what didn’t, what surprised you.
• Civil disagreement, named clearly.
• Pointers to specific resources, with a brief explanation of why they helped.
• Replies to other commenters that engage with what they actually said.

What I cut

• Vendor pitches and self-promotion. If you sell a service or product in this space, you can be a reader here, but you can’t pitch it in the comments.
• Medical advice presented as fact. The caregivers reading this are often in the middle of a hard decision. “You should definitely do X” is not okay unless you’re qualified — and even then, please say so plainly.
• Insults, attacks, condescension. The people here are navigating something brutal. The tone has to match that.
• Off-topic posts. If your comment isn’t about the article, take, or practice you’re commenting on, please save it.
• Bait. Anonymous “just lost someone” posts that exist only to provoke. Real grief is welcome here. I just need to see a real person behind it.

How the queue works

• Every comment goes to a moderation queue. I read it. If it fits the rules above, I approve it. If not, I cut it.
• I don’t always email about cuts. If your comment doesn’t appear, that’s usually why.
• I might lightly edit for typos, formatting, or to redact a last name posted accidentally. I won’t change the meaning of what you wrote.
• If you reply to another commenter, your comment threads under theirs.

Replies from me

I engage where I can. I won’t always reply, but I read everything. I sign as John. The “Tug” voice you’ll see on Takes and Best Practices is editorial; in the comments I’m just me.

About your email

Your email is required, and it’s never displayed publicly. I use it to recognize returning commenters and to send the optional “notify on reply” notice if you opted in.

The goal here is a real conversation, not a comment section. Thank you for caring enough to write something thoughtful.

— John